A sense of flow can be the way forward when we feel we cannot go far. As the flower grows slowly over the course of weeks or months, it’s course is that of flow.
The realization for me is this: I have a duty to continue creating flow. To go against gravity, bugs, storms… anything that may be trying to interfere with my natural ways. Now, this does not mean flow is maintained by interrupting the flow of others by becoming the storms, the bugs, or the birds. Rather, it is that I can grow and do it slowly provided I continue.
What brings this on?
I have always been a romantic and the type to devote myself to people tasks. I recently experienced something painful and while expected, I began to think my wild nature, my devotion, my attempt to reach out was a mistake. Embarrassing, humiliating. Not worth being treated as a being.
No one owes you a thing. However, to those who ghost others with no explanation… I say you deprive those people of a basic decency. They must wonder what they did, how they caused you to act as such. Maybe some people do not experience it this way but I do. Apparently he believed he would be “feeding” me or something within me by telling me he wasn’t interested.
Anyhoo… this feeling of being compared to a rabid animal… it was extremely painful. I did my best to stay away from him and yet he always seemed to pop back in.
No more. I have hope for him but now that I know his stance on me, it is clear that I must be away from him. I used to see him as someone who was kind. While I do believe that still, for whatever reason, he fed off of my energy willingly and without hesitation. I was merely an ego boost. A source of energy and nothing more. How terrible… how wretched.
With that said, I know my lesson after many years is coming to a close. No more allowing the tin man to guilt me into staying small. He has a heart but he has yet to venture to Oz. May he be accompanied by the loveliest of companions to find himself.