“Be with me always – take any form – drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I can not live without my life! I can not live without my soul!”
― Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
There has always been a need within my mind and heart to express. As a child, this primarily happened through creative writing and art. There was a point where schooling shifted from creativity to “persuasive essays” and “analysis”. In some ways this was beneficial as I gained the ability to write/communicate with the many limbs and branches of the adult world.
I lost myself.
My expressions became sharp, dark, and unruly. I sought after adrenaline rushes more often as each year passed. Each person that peaked my curiousity was someone to be explored and analysed, as opposed to respected and honored. At the time, I thought this would help me care for people… by getting to the “truth” as I thought it was.
Despite the darkness within me, I still cared deeply for everyone. Unfortunately, I lacked the internal boundaries to understand that my motivations were leading me down a dark path.
After some time, I came to realize how truly terrible this was to engage in. I saw people as monsters who were primarily self-invested. It was difficult to interact with authenticity because of those beliefs.
I think I had confused adrenaline with happiness. This was a grave mistake; it cost me years of time I could have spent working on healthy relationships and a healthy lifestyle. I was always given ample freedom to choose what I wanted, but I didn’t know what I wanted. All I knew was that I needed to feel heard, even if that meant poor relationships and setting almost no boundaries. Even if it meant making a complete and utter fool of myself, all so I would be seen.
Creativity is the path I have chosen to express myself now. As time passed, I could feel the emotions within my body vibrating and burning me alive. There were days I felt like I was drowning. My body could no longer handle the outcry from my mind and I lost touch with reality. It is my belief that artists and dreamers are in dire need of creative expression with guidance. If you feel this way, I believe I can help you and I will do my utmost to ensure you feel empowered and acknowledged no matter what the world throws at you.
I use my creative processes now to help me reach my potential and connect with my highest ideal of myself. I wish to help you create a creative plan to which I can hold you accountable. The goal is to help you give yourself permission to find what moves you towards your higher self and true happiness.
If this sounds like something you would enjoy, feel free to contact me any time.